Ok- In the category of things that never happened to me when I was on my couch eating a pint of Ben & Jerry’s… evil little dogs didn’t try to kill me!
I love dogs but I came within an inch of drop kicking one abut a hundred and fifty yards when I was walk running. I’m guessing it was my heavy breathing or perhaps my high frequency wheezing that drew them to me but these two little dogs decided that I was running in their road and that was not allowed. They come running out of a yard unleashed and with no humans in sight.
Both were howling at me but you could tell his little K-9 heart just wasn’t into it though. This other waste of fur saw himself as a testosterone laden jackal that wanted to take the seemingly wounded water buffalo down to the ground! I guess he figured that if he got me down he wouldn’t need to eat the bargain brand Alpo for a couple of months!
When he would charge after me I would do my best water buffalo imitation and turn and run at him sending him running for safety. As soon as I turned my back to continue on he’d head back at me to start eating his way up from my ankles! The motley mutt finally gave up his advance when he realized that there weren’t any National Geographic camera crews documenting his heroics.
I swear tomorrow I’m running with a long wooden stick- a bag of corn meal and drag along a deep fryer. If Cujo comes after me again he’s getting a sudden rectal with the stick immediately followed by a quick roll in corn meal. I swear I will go off my diet for one day and will be seen on the side of the road eating a five pound corn dog!
Ice Cream Shame:
In Merrimack New Hampshire the onset of spring is not marked by a red breasted robin but rather by an ice cream cone of distinction. The opening every spring of King Kone is a huge deal for local yokels like ourselves. As Deb and I were driving by there today I see that it is open for the season! I love King Kone and it is likely responsible for at least one layer of fat upon me. So this was a challenging moment for me.
I decided that I am not going to punish Deb due to my fatty fatness so I pull into the lot and tell her I am not getting anything but that I would go up and get her a cone, (yes- that’s right- I am quite a nice guy- thank you)!
Now here’s where the problem starts. Everyone in the northern hemisphere as well as a small pygmy in tribe in South America know about my diet. That would include people from my Church. So I get in line and find myself standing directly behind a woman from our Church and her daughter! The level of embarrassment and shame I felt was equivalent to me having just been spotted hanging out in front of a brothel!
I wanted to yell out that the ice cream was not for me but who would believe fatty anyway? I was certain that she had seen me and already cast judgment against me. I successfully averted eye contact and ordered a “baby sized” cone for Deb just to limit my exposure to a critical eye. When I was handed the cone, (with chocolate jimmies), I deliberately carried it back to the car with my arm extended as far away from my mouth as possible. I also delivered the cone directly to Deb from the outside of the car in a hand to hand exchange that was more obvious than that of a rookie drug dealer! I also shouted at the top of my lungs HERE IS YOUR ICE CREAM DEB! (I made up that last part but in hind sight I should have done it.
No matter what tomorrow at Church I am certain to hear whispering and see people pointing at my belly while sadly shaking their heads! 🙂
Other than that- no problems today!
Today’s daytime eating was difficult because I was out of nearly all of my prepared food choices. Grocery shopping tomorrow for a big restock but I will certainly be weeping at the check-out.
4am – Golean Crunch with blue berries.
7am – Green grapes
10am – Cashews
12- Lunch. Two slices of low sodium deli turkey breast. Because I was mostly out of my prepared stuff I got the bright idea to bring a single serving pack of the Birds Eye Steam Fresh Vegetables – one each of the brussels sprouts and corn. It was actually pretty convenient and a good change of pace.
6pm- I actually had some grilled chicken on white rice, (out of brown rice). I had a small garden salad on the side with fat free dressing- see picture below:
Well I hope that you are all well and I apologize for the long winded post today.
Weigh-in in three days!